Being a working mum: Jacqui Okundaye, Head of HR & Recruitment

About your job

Who do you work for? MMT Digital

What industry are you in? Technology

Who’s at home with you?

My husband, Michael – we’ve been married for 11 years this year.

My daughter, Naima who’s 9 and my son, Elijah who’s 6 (and I’m very excited that they’re going back to school next week).

And who’s in your support team?

My Mum & Dad and my brother. My mum also runs a breakfast and after school club that the kids go to, which is very handy.

What does your work and career mean to you?

I was really conscious after I had Naima that I didn’t feel like I knew who I was. I was quite early on in my career - I had her when I was 25 – and I just felt like I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. And I remember that feeling, listening to nursery rhymes all day, wondering - is this all my life is going to become? And if so, I can’t do it - I’m going to be an awful mother.

I realised that being able to do mum stuff and do a great job is really important to me. And so yes, work is massively important to me. I feel that in order for me to be a great mum and to be able to give my kids a real insight into life, I need to work and I’m grateful that I have a job I really like.

Also, I want to be able to give my kids some of the nicer things in life and we need to pay for those and work enables that. 

What have you enjoyed most about being back to work?

My kids are a bit older now although I think it’s the fact I just feel so fulfilled in my job that I come home really happy.  I’ve worked in roles in the past when I had kids and have hated it and I’ve had a long commute home and I’ve just been so tired and miserable. But now I’m in a space that I love what I do and I’m happy. And the kids can feel that. And when I get home, I can really give myself to them.

What’s the toughest part of being a working mum?

I hear Mums talk about Mum Guilt but honestly, I don’t feel it. And I think that’s because I feel like my children aren’t missing out on anything. I know they’re with someone I trust and they’re having a whale of a time while I’m doing what I need to do.

And so, for me, the toughest part is when I’m in London and I’ve got to do the school run and I just have a fear about what happens if the train is delayed. The idea of my children being the last ones at school, wondering where I am, just makes me feel sick. And so, it’s the forward planning of all the scenarios that’ll probably never happen (like being delayed really far from home) – this is what I find exhausting and stressful.

We know many mums work flexibly. What does your working week look like?

I have worked part time in the past but I actually work full time now. Normally, I’m based in Uppingham and go down to London a few days a week. Right now, with COVID, I’m working at home. When we’re in the office - on the days I go to London, my husband usually does pick up and if he isn’t able to, I have to make sure I leave London early enough to get back in time.

I’m lucky, we work flexibly at MMT. I remember getting my contract through the post and it said my working hours and I thought to myself, this isn’t going to work for me because I have to be back for the kids and I have over an hour commute. And so, on my first day, I sat down with my boss and shared that I needed to work flexibly and explained why and he was totally fine with it. And so I’m lucky that my role enables me flexibility, which I know isn’t possible with every job. 

Also, even though we are 65% male at MMT, we have a lot of Dads and Dads who are actively involved in looking after their children. And so, having a family is very normal for our business and I’ve never been worried about leaving early. Also, a lot of people on our Exec Team have parental responsibilities – we’ve all seen and felt the impact of children and the stress it can bring. Our MD is good about saying he has to leave at 5pm to pick up his child from nursery and this sets a great example for the rest of us.

It’s all about telling people what you need, as we’re not mind readers. During the pandemic, we’re supporting parents and those with dependents; we say it’s OK to be flexible and we accept kids may be in the background of calls - it’s all part of the fun, especially at the moment. We just ask people to update their diary and let others know on Slack if they are going to be away.

What’s your best advice to mums looking to secure a flexible working request?

Don’t feel like you’re entitled to it - just because it’s important to you to work flexibly, doesn’t mean it’s important to the business. That said, don’t talk yourself out of asking for it, if that’s what you want. 

And so it’s about awareness – thinking about the wider impact of your request on others, on your role and the business. And with any request, it’s helpful to be open about what you’re asking for, perhaps thinking through different options. This will make the conversation easier and it’ll feel more collaborative.

I remember when I was working 4 days, I knew I couldn’t really do the job in 5 days but I’d idolised doing the school pick up and really wanted to do it. It meant I really had to think about what work I was dropping by working 4 days and who was going to pick this up. I also had to think about what happened if there was an emergency on my day off. I was the most senior person in my role and I knew that if shit hit the fan, I needed to be involved, even on my day off. And so people knew to contact me rather than wait for me to be back.

I guess the clue is in the title. It’s about flexible working and it works best when there’s give and take.

What’s the best preparation you can do when you’re going back to work?

a) With your work

Be honest. It can be scary – I’m scared of what reaction I might get, what people will think of me - but ultimately, my children are my priority and my work needs to fit around this.  

People don’t know what’s important to you until you tell them. It’s a really hard thing to do but having the confidence to know what’s important to you and then communicating this is the best thing. Once people know, they’re in a position to help you. 

b) At home

I was never going to be a wife who did everything. Between me and my husband, we’ve always talked about how it’s going to work at home; who’s going to do what on each day - cooking dinner etc. And this has really worked for us.

And so, I’d say, have an honest conversation about what’s realistic and what you can each do to keep things running at home. This has helped us know what to expect and it helps the children to know what’s happening

And since the pandemic, we’ve started doing meal plans and this has been great. We do it together and then do our online food shop. Everyone knows what’s what and it’s taken lots of stress away.

What one thing do you like to do for yourself every day?

Actually, this has only started since lockdown but I go for a walk on my own every day – getting up early or I head out in the evenings. Before the pandemic, when my husband worked in the evenings, I made sure to get time to myself just at home – time that’s calm and quiet to just do nothing. This is so important to me. I find when I’m rushing around all the time, it doesn’t make me feel good and that means the people I come into contact with (my family) don’t feel good and I don’t want that. By stopping, I get perspective. The quiet calm gives me better balance and clarity, time to reflect and think.

And finally, what’s your absolute top tip to working mums to help you stay sane?

Be honest with yourself and other people around you otherwise you’re just going to go mad.